Saturday, May 30, 2015

Coming Soon: We Have A Bible!

In the last few weeks I've been feverishly working on a project to revamp and recompile the "Holy Bible" into a modern format. I came to the realization that all other bibles were full of nonsense and were boring, so I decided to improve them. The author is necessarily listed as god; because its content is thereby absolutely, inerrantly true and can't be questioned at all without a person becoming a hellbound eternal sinner.

When I first started I intended to use the same format as the KJV- basically broken down into the canonical books (Exodus, Luke, etc) and then merely remade to better fit the will of this one male singular anthropic deity, but I abandoned the first draft when I realized that format was part of what makes all other bibles boring. Therefore, I made new sections which better reflect the one true story of god and jesus and the other figures there.

Unlike other bibles it also contains The Tale of Jesus part III: Jesus comes to the Americas, and The Tale of Jesus part IV: Jehovah's Witness Protection Program. It will also contain the cyberpunk futurism of Jesus Part V: The Newest Testament, and how Jesus came back yet again after coming back over and over again before, this time to inspire the hippies and various cults in California.

Regardless of the satirical tone of the work, it's at least as accurate as any other bible- probably a lot more so. Jesus, after all, was basically an anarcho-communist necromancer with deep seated hatred for organized religion; which becomes evident when you observe the contradicting commands of Jesus and the latter-day Saul (or Paul) who turned Christianity into a violently bigoted, legalistic sect not unlike the baleful Roman cults of the day.

I'm not sure yet when it will be complete and I have a few publishers in mind who might like the work enough to potentially release it; if not it will be self published.

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